Taste of Mystic

This has been a rough week. Fatigue & exhaustion, headaches, babysitting three kids under the age of 6, getting together paperwork to start my new job, cleaning the apartment and organizing everything before The Lieutenant comes home and feeling rather lonely. I miss hearing from The Lieutenant, and I miss hanging out with my friends. And when I get maudlin, I tend to get in my car and drive until I come across something interesting. Most of the time, I'm at a loss because nothing terribly exciting is going on, but today I was in luck. A Taste Of Mystic was in full swing in historic downtown Mystic, CT. And the smells wafting in the air literally made my mouth water.

Mystic is known for its seafood and its steak. And there were plenty of both at today's festival. I did not, however, try any of the edibles, but goodness, the smells from the booths were tantalizing to say the least. Especially the booths boasting steamed clams, gyros, smoked deli sandwiches and lobster. Although I don't love southern Connecticut like I loved central Connecticut, it does have its perks - and the food is definitely one of them. All I could think about, though, while I was wandering amongst the booths, was that I wish The Lieutenant was here to try the steaks and marvel in their goodness. He loves his steaks. And that got me thinking towards his birthday in October.

We get married a mere week before his birthday. And I want his birthday to be all about him. So I am thinking of making reservations somewhere awesome with tender steak, creamy mashed potatoes and good company. And I have to admit - even I'm impressed with the birthday present I got him. Now that remains a secret until that day. I can not wait to see his face when I unveil the big present. I pretty much rock. Now, as far as the "good company" part goes... that could take some serious maneuvering. My family would come down in a heartbeat if I asked, but I know he'd rather have his family around for something like this, and that might be difficult since they don't travel much. I'll do my best to convince them it's a good idea, but I suspect I will meet resistance. In this day and age, people just don't put themselves out there like they used to. We're a dying breed - those of us who care deeply, go out of our way, put forth ridiculous amounts of effort, time & money, even when "time & money" are something that most of us don't have anymore. I'm lucky that my parents raised me to be valuable, to be responsible, to be dependable and to love with abandon.

It's funny, too, because the other day my mother and I were talking about the "types" that my brother and I bring home - whether as lovers or friends. And it seems that Chris (my brother) and I always seem to attract people with no families or despondent families, those people who don't have tons of friends, and those human beings that don't get real love from many sources. We've both been known to bring "strays" home for the holidays in college, embrace girlfriends & boyfriends who don't have other family to take them in, and so on. In a way, I like that about us. It warms my heart to know that maybe somewhere along the line, we changed a day, week or year for someone who needed a family to adopt them for a while....

On This Day...

On this day in 1781, Col. Ledyard was felled by his own sword at Fort Griswold in Groton, Connecticut. And when I visited the battlefield, the feeling of moroseness and grievance crept into my chest. It's hard to imagine someone dying where I stand, feeling excruciating pain and fear where my feet are planted.

But instead of mourning, I thank Col. Ledyard for his bravery, for making a mark in history that may or may not have changed the future for people like myself. And without his sacrifice, this monument would not be here to read, and this generation's children would not be learning something of value.

I am reading a book right now entitled Next to Love by Ellen Feldman. It's fairly new. And it's killing me to read.

This book is about three women who's husbands go off to war during World War II. Some of those husbands are killed in action and do not return. Before I met The Lieutenant, these were exactly the kinds of books I loved to read. The heartache, the obstacles, the searing pain and emotional ache that all humans have felt tend to call to me, draw me in. Perhaps that is why I became a counselor. But then I began thinking about what it would truly be like to lose a spouse in the midst of war, and without warning my heart beat faster, my mouth went dry and I believe my body began having an anxiety attack. Thanks to terrific training, I quickly calmed myself down, remembered this was just a book, but that feeling of panic stuck with me throughout the day.

And for the first time I realized what it must be like for wives to be terrified of sending their men off to war. And what it must feel like to have them gone, sometimes for years at a time.

I was displeased with this feeling. I am not a woman weak of heart. I fight against hopelessness and stay busy and pray and put things out of my mind -- all things we must do regularly to make sure life goes on when the going gets rough.

But I admit. This set me back.

And now I am trying to regain my footing, continue to trudge forward and pray fervently for my sailor as he trains relentlessly under the sea. And attempt to fill my mind with knitting projects and work before he deploys so that I will not think of other things. And all it took was a book - before that, I was blissfully ignorant. There's something to be said about being kept in the dark.

So instead, I am going to my wedding dress fitting, I am going to continue to plan a wedding, and I am going to rejoice in The Lieutenant's homecoming in a few weeks :)

Doors

On quiet, lonely humid days I like to hike up on our local battlefields and enjoy the view of the river and city of New London across the way. And even there, my theme for the day was unable to escape me: doors. For some reason, lately, I feel like I've been waiting and waiting for doors to open, doors to close and doors to appear. But ask, and you shall receive. Before I knew it, doors were appearing to me even in open fields.

This door actually freaked me out when I first saw it. And it's more of a doorway than it is a door. The sign near this doorway reads: "COVERED WAY: A pathway between the fort and the lower battery where soldiers using it were under cover from enemy gunfire."

Well. If that's not prolific, I don't know what is. Lately, it feels like my head & heart have been under heavy gunfire, and every once in a while I come across a "covered way" to protect myself from the constant barrage. But just occasionally, I miss that rapid gunfire that keeps me ducking, moving and dodging bullets. It keeps like interesting. When I walked through this little covered way to get to the battery, there was a moment inside the "hallway" that I felt very alone, very quiet and very unnerved. I can see how sometimes you may want to slide down the stone wall and land on your backside, and stay hidden from view from the world, just chillin' with the bats, spiders and drippy moisture of the covered way. But other times, it's a very lonely place to be, and I am finding I don't much like that much alone time. I can't wait for my job to start next week so I have something useful to do with my time.

Now this door. Ha. This door I can completely connect with. I understand this door. This is "Hell no lady, you ain't entering here - this door is not for you!" Yep. I'm quite familiar with this door.

And the weird part is, I am far more comfortable with this door. It's definitive. It's no nonsense. The wind blows the hair around my face, blocking my view of the door from time to time. But instead of stopping and staring at it like I did the "Covered Way," I briefly nod towards this door in greeting and understanding, and walk on. Yep. I like this door. Most people prefer doors that provide an alternate way out, or a wide open door - but you can't trust those doors entirely... you never know what might be in that room already. This door, well, this door has only a couple options behind it: something old, something dead, or nothing at all. I know that sounds morbid, but I like it's consistency.

The Navy, I find, is much like "The Covered Way." Open ended on both sides, unfamiliar while you're navigating the passageway, with lots of little obstacles in between both ends. It takes some getting used to. The pathway is always full of surprises. And with all those unexpected moments.... I need a darn break. No more doors for me for a while. Wide open spaces is where my feet shall tread for a bit...

Library Card

Did you know that September is sign-up for a library card month? I love libraries. I feel safe in them. But there's also this sense of mystery when I walk into a library. I love that musty smell of old books. I wonder where they all came from. I wonder what historical books are lurking in dark corners, older rooms, dustier shelves... I love that every library has it's own personality, too. The one that I discovered today resides in a very old stone building, and just walking in I felt like I was home.

And I do love reading. Although I recently adopted a Kindle in the past year, whenever I walk into a library I am compelled to sign out a few tangible books. There's something about the smell of books, turning the page, seeing where you're actually at in your read, and holding it tightly to your chest when you're walking down the street, or laying it over your chest as you fall asleep in bed. And it keeps me busy while The Lieutenant is underway. Today I got four books to keep me busy for the next three weeks, and hopefully I'll finish them all (wishful thinking,  me thinks). But I am a fast reader, and I've wanted to read these books for a long time now, so fingers crossed I'll get them finished before he comes home.

I also have other good news: I got a full-time job! For those of you who didn't know, I've been looking since April. Oh yeah, April. I'm in education, and have my Masters Degree in school counseling. But thanks to some less than awesome supervisors and the economy, I was booted for the cheaper kind of help. And while it was sad, it was also a blessing, because I didn't have to choose between my job and moving to be with The Lieutenant. So I moved down here about a month ago to be with the love of my life, and I've been looking for a job down here, or at least close to here, ever since. And finally, finally, I got that awesome phone call this morning. It's a great job working in early childhood education. It's a child development center, and I can't wait to get started. Okay, truth? I can't wait to have a paycheck! And this also makes me an equal contributor in this relationship. That's always bothered me. Don't get me wrong, being taken care of and having someone be willing to watch out for me means a lot. But it's not the same as having financial independence in case something goes wrong, or in case I want to buy something without feeling overly guilty. Now I'm feeling even more secure, and that makes me very very happy!

Anyway, I'm off to read some books! I have tons of reading to do before these 4 books are due back. I hope everyone is having a great week.

Beautiful Weather

So early Sunday morning I was awaken by the sound of a freight train, except it wasn't a freight train. It was Mother Nature and her nasty relative Irene causing a ruckus outside my window. Damn, she was loud. And for about 30 seconds I was willing to open the balcony door, step cautiously outside and watch Irene have her way with us.

To say that I was optimistic would be a total fabrication. I was nervous & anxious, mostly about constantly having my power go on & off over a span of 12 hours. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, though, because for the most part, my power was on for a majority of the storm. I knew friends that weren't so lucky.

Flooding in Connecticut

This photo was taken just down the road, at one of my friend's house. She posted it on Facebook, and I was shocked to see what happened when the rivers crested. Granted, I expected flooding, but this was before the storm had even fully hit landfall. Whoever was scared, raise your hands (picture me waving my hand wildly in the air). I wasn't so afraid for myself. Like I mentioned before, I was extremely blessed and lucky and knew I wasn't in the worst location. My home is not in a flood prone area, my power stayed on for the majority of the storm, and although trees were falling left and right, I knew I was in a decent location. The tree next to my living room window attempted to enter my apartment on several occasions, but luckily my windows held strong and didn't let it pass! When I walked out my door yesterday after the storm had passed, a tree had fallen smack in front of it - and I had to walk around in order to exit my building.

Line at Wendy's after Irene blew through

So then something funny sort of happened. Irene vacated the area late in the day, and people started to leave their homes to assess the damage. Most people in Connecticut didn't have power, so when they saw a very tiny portion of Route 1 in Groton, CT had electricity, and Wendy's (along with a Chinese restaurant and Dunkin Donuts) was open for business, people decided to get some hot food while they could. This line of cars you see spans about 30 cars further down the road, and you can see Wendy's in the distance. Never before have I seen a fast food restaurant so popular! I had to laugh, and, of course, grab my camera for a quickie shoot. If you look closely, you can actually see Wendy's in the distance. The other strange thing: McDonald's was closed. I have never in my life seen a vacant McDonald's. It was totally surreal. Walmart was without power, boarded up and closed, as well. Seriously, it was like a ghost town. And creepy. Which is why after a quick peek in town I hauled my ass off back home and got halfway through my new book.

On a bright note, I got an email from The Lieutenant this morning. He's not the most creative writer, nor the most reliable. It makes me laugh, most of the time, but after Irene, my nerves were on edge, and I was waiting very impatiently to get an email. And lo and behold, this morning, I got one! So that definitely brightened my day. And for the next two nights I am happy to say I have dinner plans with other Navy wives. They deserve their own post, really. Awesome group of ladies. Anyway, for the rest of the day I'm off to enjoy my bright sunshine. Gosh, Dear Sun, I've deeply missed you.

C'mon, Irene

Prepping. Planning. Debating. Evacuating. Panicking. Obsessively watching the media effectively freak out the entire eastern seaboard.

That's what I've been up to for the past 48 hours :)

I've had more fun, I've gotta say. And The Lieutenant is currently underway somewhere out there in the Atlantic ocean. My cat and I are stranded on the shores of Connecticut. The Sub Base has ordered all the submarines out to sea. Irene is barreling towards us. Yippee.

Prepping for the storm in Mystic, CT

It was decidedly creepy yesterday watching local places preparing for the storm. Driving by the local shops in our resident tourist town was exceptionally creepy. I mean, usually, Mystic is loaded with tourists milling about the sidewalks like little black ants. But it was virtually a ghost town earlier. The only people out and about were the maintenance workers boarding up windows, residents scrambling to the hardware stores and police out in full force patrolling the area. I have to be honest, seeing the police everywhere threw me off. Were they afraid we'd start looting places? I mean, sheesh, the people of southern Connecticut have some integrity! And I'd be lying if I said the look of everything boarded up wasn't a bit nerve-wracking.

A house on Groton Long Point boarded up

Look at this house. Man oh man. That's just depressing.

And to top off the anxiety, I haven't gotten an email from The Lieutenant, who is currently underway. Now, for those of you who don't know how it works, allow me to be the bearer of bad news: Sure, you can send email after email. But there's no guarantee your sailor will receive it, and vice versa. Of the 100% of emails I send, probably 10% of them get through - if I'm lucky. And the same goes for anything he sends to me. See, the bandwith is so teeny tiny, that there's not a lot of internet capability, and you're lucky if an email squeaks through. Most of the time, he gets my important emails, but whenever he's out, it's a crapshoot if I get one of his in return. It's crazy! And extremely irritating. I mean, I know it's not his fault, but damn.

Really? Autozone?

And so, as I drove by the Autozone on my way back home, I thought about my sailor out there somewhere, probably in much nicer weather, wishing I could ask him important questions about where to park his cars, what he wants me to do when the power gets cut out, and how to let him know where I'll be if I have to evacuate. And hopefully that won't happen...

Ah, the life of a Navy significant other. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth from time to time. Thank goodness there are still amazing times that make up for it!

I am looking forward to his return, but that's still a ways away. In the meantime, I have a wedding to plan! The good news is that most of it is already set. The location, the dress (sort of), the dinner, the bouquet... We're almost good to go!

In the meantime, I'm bunkering down, waiting patiently for Irene. And hopefully, God willing, I'll still have power come the end of the day. Otherwise, I imagine it'll be a long week...

The (Really Quick) Story of "Us"

I really should introduce myself before I start this really intense, opinionated blog where everyone can read my thoughts - appropriate or not! See, the thing is, I have so much to say. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's angry, and sometimes I just need to inform people of "how it is." So first thing's first. Let me tell you about how I came to be "The Navigator's Wife."

I should probably start by telling you I'm not his wife yet. Six weeks from today, however, that will all change, and I will be happily wed to the love of my life. The Nav is a Lieutenant in the Navy, and has been for the past 12 years. His most recent station is in Connecticut at the Sub Base. His current title is The Navigator of the USS Annapolis, a submarine stationed here. He works all the time, is constantly underway for weeks or months at a time, and we haven't eaten dinner together more than a handful of times thanks to his schedule. But he's smart, capable, sweet, funny and reliable. And I've been so lucky to find him!

The Lieutenant

Meet The Nav. Even when I talk about him to people who know him, I call him "The Lieutenant." It started when we first met. We went out to dinner together and as soon as we left the restaurant (close to closing because we were talking the whole time) I knew immediately I wanted to see him again. I began calling him The Lieutenant when I talked about him because I was wary about using his name in case it didn't work out. I was apprehensive about seeing someone in the military, because I knew the stereotypes were there for a reason. They drink a lot (true), they work a lot (true), they party hard when they're in port (true), they hardly have time to spend with their families (true), they smell like "boat" (true), communication is hard when they're underway and gone all the time (true), they're too busy to care about their friends and family (completely and utterly false). Sure, he's gone all the time, works late nights when he is in port, and when he's home and has time off all he wants to do is sleep. But during those rare moments when he's awake and alert, he's the best. He makes me feel special. He truly cares about his family and friends, and he always makes the effort to please the people around him and spend quality time with his loved ones.

The USS Annapolis during Fleet Week in Pt. Everglades, FL

So our love story was unique and whirlwind. After that first date, he went underway for two weeks, and we weren't able to communicate at all. I wasn't even sure I would hear from him again. But lo and behold, two weeks later, I got a phone call and sure enough, we were on for date number two - and that's where the relationship really took off. Even after the second date, I was totally smitten. We dated casually for about a month and then all of a sudden the pedal was to the metal! I met his family, he asked me to go to Port Everglades, Florida for Fleet Week (he was underway and the ship was meant to be down there for the week). So after about a month and a half, I bought a plane ticket, threw caution to the wind and went for it - right down to Port Everglades solo, and when I left after a spectacular weekend, I knew it was love. I missed him so much and saying goodbye totally sucked. Because they were obligated to be out to sea for a few more weeks, I had some time to chew on this concept. But no matter how I tried to prepare myself for the worst, I was head over heels.

Luckily, when he came back, he felt the same way, and just a month and a half after that, the wonderful Lieutenant proposed to me. I was shocked, I didn't see it coming at all. I didn't know he loved me that much already. But I was secretly thrilled! I hadn't fallen this hard for someone in a long time, and even though it appears that 6 months is a short period of time to meet, build a relationship and delve into marriage, it just all feels right. I'm deeply blessed.

And so, like everything else in this relationship, when it came to planning the wedding, we decided to just go for it. Thus, 6 weeks from now, I will be Mrs. Navigator (okay, even though that's not really his last name, I rather like it - it sounds intimidating.... perhaps I will suggest we change our names to this).

So join me on my journey as I bitch & moan, laugh & cry, plan & get delayed, go through my first deployment without him around and offer up (probably terrible) advice.